An Open Letter to You “Free Spirited” Men

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.” -Scott Adams

Well put, Scott.

For almost a year now I’ve been in the single’s realm, an odd place to be if you haven’t exactly been on that horse for awhile.  Besides feeling like a 54-year-old divorcee trying to find a fitting suitor, I am also having to grapple with the fact that I am a certain “type” of gal (I put that in quotes because I hate admitting that I fall into a categorical “type”).  Among some of the “scarier” aspects of my “type” is my attraction to commitment–can you hear the guys reading this running?

When girls like me say they want a guy to be committed, for some reason, when this is processed in the male brain, it sounds something like, “I would like to own your soul and take away your freedom.”  Oddly enough–surprise–this isn’t at all what I want.  In fact, it’s really a turn off to me when a guy doesn’t have his set of buddies that he has a night out with or some sort of extracurricular hobby or something-or-another to keep him busy.  Yes, guys, independence is attractive.

On the other side of the coin, I, too, want independence.  If I had to forfeit my time with my friends or time left for myself, I’d be really, really unhappy.  The best part of a relationship is being able to share your life with someone else, not become the life of something else.

So, when girls like me want to know boundaries–“Are we or aren’t we in some sort of relationship? Are we casually dating?”–we’re just seeing where the lines are so that we don’t cross them.  Girls like me aren’t setting a trap for you “free spirits” (as I heard it called today), we’re just trying to get our barrings because–surprise again–we like you.  We want to get to know you.  We want you to get to know us.

If not for dating, how else would we know what we ultimately want?  Guys, if you treat dating like a taboo, girls will lose interest quickly.  Don’t be so presumptuous as to think we want to take over your life.  Personally, I want a guy to kick it with, have fun with, get to know, and just enjoy being young with.

Guys, we girls are just as clueless as you.  You have to tell us what you want, and we’ll do the same.  It is what it is.

Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.



Filed under Austin, Health, Oddities, Personal, Trends

4 responses to “An Open Letter to You “Free Spirited” Men

  1. Kate Rosati

    Damn straight. You tell ’em, sistah.

  2. sureshmahi


    i hav no words 2 expiain about your written
    thoughts,becouse thoughts always changes
    time2 time.u hav written wonderfull.

  3. atxatlarge

    oh, I get it. April Fools! you venus fly trap, you. lure us in with promises of fun and games, independence and acceptance and then your sweet syrup will slowly break us down. Well I for one am not fooled.
    Dating is so precarious, the less we talk about our situation the easier it is; but is it really possible to not care what stage we are at? Maybe but good luck.
    And don’t fret being single, at least you live in one of the best cities around to fly solo. You going to check out the giant water tank downtown (18th & Congress) this weekend? 160 feet long and people are going to wakeboard on rails and such. Plus music by Black and White Years and others. All for $10. Heck, maybe I’ll see you there?

  4. sureshmahi

    If u want 2 know anothers then first of all know thyself.In between there is great concern in understanding and cumnication like 2 verge of same river.wish u all the best

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