Tag Archives: Dating

Women! Heed These Rules!

Lisa Daily, syndicated relationship columnist and author of Stop Getting Dumped, has essentially drawn women a map of the male brain, complete with annotations and explanations, in her article “Ten Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend.”

Ladies, this sort of information is the stuff you find at the end of the rainbow–gold.

Ten Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend…

1. She has a life of her own — and it’s pretty good to boot. Ladies, this means that you take care of yourself, pay attention to your personal style and find time to hang with your fabulous friends and family.

2. She never makes the first move. If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it’s just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren’t programmed to think like that and therefore are better suited to the chase.

3. She is sexy without being trampy. In the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from making any comments that are overtly sexual. She also flirts by using nonsexual touch like placing her hand on his forearm or even the knee but only briefly.

4. She waits to have sex. Daily says that many women don’t even realize just how much sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. Wait at least one month into the relationship before having sex with your new man.

5. She does little things to show she cares. The bottom line is that you should want to do the little things that let him know you care and you are paying attention to his individual needs. And he should do the same for you.

6. She should be her boyfriend’s best wingman — err, wing woman. Help him to look good in front of the boss, advises Daily. Laugh at his jokes and help him shine when it is important. Of course, again, he should do the same for you.

7. She never turns on the pressure. This one is important. Men have a distinct aversion to any sort of pressure, says Daily. Therefore, women should avoid calling and/or emailing him many times during the day or dropping hints about the future. In fact, keep the dreaded M-word (marriage) out of your vocabulary all together.

8. She does not take any crap — from anyone. A good woman never accepts bad behavior. Guys respect women with whom they can’t get away with anything. If he knows there’s a penalty — like getting thrown to the curb — for a serious violation like cheating, he’ll respect you more, and he will be far less likely to do it.

9. A good woman always chooses a good man. That means that you should look for someone who is honest and dependable. He has to treat you right. If he says he is going to be somewhere, he is there. Chivalry is not dead, by the way. “Good manners are a deeper window into what kind of man he truly is,” Daily says.

10. She knows that love is the biggest part of the mating equation. Just how does a good woman know that she has found that crazy-for-you, toe-curling relationship? Daily says that some women have an “a-ha” moment, while love simply sneaks up on the rest.

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An Open Letter to You “Free Spirited” Men

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.” -Scott Adams

Well put, Scott.

For almost a year now I’ve been in the single’s realm, an odd place to be if you haven’t exactly been on that horse for awhile.  Besides feeling like a 54-year-old divorcee trying to find a fitting suitor, I am also having to grapple with the fact that I am a certain “type” of gal (I put that in quotes because I hate admitting that I fall into a categorical “type”).  Among some of the “scarier” aspects of my “type” is my attraction to commitment–can you hear the guys reading this running?

When girls like me say they want a guy to be committed, for some reason, when this is processed in the male brain, it sounds something like, “I would like to own your soul and take away your freedom.”  Oddly enough–surprise–this isn’t at all what I want.  In fact, it’s really a turn off to me when a guy doesn’t have his set of buddies that he has a night out with or some sort of extracurricular hobby or something-or-another to keep him busy.  Yes, guys, independence is attractive.

On the other side of the coin, I, too, want independence.  If I had to forfeit my time with my friends or time left for myself, I’d be really, really unhappy.  The best part of a relationship is being able to share your life with someone else, not become the life of something else.

So, when girls like me want to know boundaries–“Are we or aren’t we in some sort of relationship? Are we casually dating?”–we’re just seeing where the lines are so that we don’t cross them.  Girls like me aren’t setting a trap for you “free spirits” (as I heard it called today), we’re just trying to get our barrings because–surprise again–we like you.  We want to get to know you.  We want you to get to know us.

If not for dating, how else would we know what we ultimately want?  Guys, if you treat dating like a taboo, girls will lose interest quickly.  Don’t be so presumptuous as to think we want to take over your life.  Personally, I want a guy to kick it with, have fun with, get to know, and just enjoy being young with.

Guys, we girls are just as clueless as you.  You have to tell us what you want, and we’ll do the same.  It is what it is.

Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.

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