Tag Archives: Fashion

What in the Name of Samantha Ronson?!

In case there was any doubt that Lindsay Lohan’s career and life was going down the St. Thomas Creations toilet, here is a commercial my favorite anorexic crack junkie starred* in for Fornarina. No, don’t worry–no one else has heard of Fornarina either.

I tried to just listen to the commercial without actually watching it, but my ears began bleeding. When on mute, my eyes just couldn’t get the vision of a skeleton with Lady Gaga’s hair on it out of my head. It. Is. Truly. Awful.

* “Starring” in a commercial implies that Lindsay Lohan is a bonafide celebrity, but I mean to imply no such thing.

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Jessica Simpson Defies All Logic

Because watching her slow quick descent into a burning inferno of used-to-be-stardom isn’t painful enough, Jessica Simpson decided that the best idea to rebound after those rabid weight-gain photographs would be by making Daisy Duke cut-offs a regular part of her performance wardrobe.

Gads! Have I been entirely unaware for all this time that resembling a two-hooved country beast can resurrect careers?! Maybe showing those massive, old gams of hers will make people forget that she’s old and chubby now, and they will finally listen to her music.

That’s acutally probably a bad idea as well.

Jessica Simpson

By the way, I’d like to note that Jessica Simpson’s ankles have defied all laws of physics in this photograph by somehow supporting that much hair weave, weight, and glittered makeup while only having the support of a pair of flimsy hooker heels. What have you to say to that, Steven Hawking?

(Photograph: The Superficial)

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Lean, Mean, Weight-Losing Machine

You know, very few people can pull of the “cadaverous blow-up doll” look, but Lindsay Lohan does it well looks like crap too. Lindsay was with designer Matthew Williamson to help open his New York store during the Mercedes-Benz Fall 2009 Fashion Week. I’m sure Matthew Williamson is glad that this gaunt bimbo overshadowed his store opening. Nice pick, Matt.

lohan

[Source: The Superficial]

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Jessica “Jelly Belly” Simpson

Jessica Simpson performed in Florida at the 99.9 Kiss Country 24th Annual Chili Cook Off this past weekend. Err, Jessica is looking quite corpulent in these photos (found via The Superficial).  Did she eat Tony Romo?

The bulging beauty has been getting a lot of slack the past few years, from her divorce from 98 Degrees pop sensation Nick Lachey (ha ha, I laughed at that too), to her bitter break up with John Mayer, to being nicknamed “Yoko Romo,” to having a miserable country music crossover career, to her sister being the first to have the opportunity to name her child something that will surely scar it. Yes, poor swollen Simpson has hit a rough patch.

I pray to the gods of popular culture that those repugnant high-wasted pants and tuck-in tank top are the reasons for surfeit of skin in these photos.

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A Taste of Jen: “Fashion Trends of 2009”

With a new year and fickle resolutions quickly approaching, many are trying to find what the latest trends will be.  As far as women’s fashion, it seems that there are three trends that will be quite prevalent in the year to come–for better or for worse.

  • Out with the New and in with the Old
    My mother was beyond annoyed with me one day when she found that I had the audacity to want her old high school class shirt because it was “vintage.”  What is with my generation’s obsession with the antiquated?  While at first it was quite uncommon and cool to be decked out in thrift store clothing and accessories, it is such a prevalent trend now that I wonder when it will be uncool to dress in clothes older than your parents.  Perhaps never.
  • Captain Couture
    In my teenage years, I recall going home one day to beg that my parents take me to JC Penny’s to buy me a pair of trendy, hip pants that my stylish friends called “flared jeans.”  To my parents’ horror, the bellbottom pants of their generation had made their comeback from ’70s.  I fear the same is being done now with military-style clothing.  Stiff, high collars and numerous brass buttons are the latest adornments to women’s coats, shoes, pants, and shirts.  Nothing says “I know fashion” quite like someone dressed like Sergeant Pepper, right?
  • Pretty in Plumage
    Whether it’s the runway or the college campus, elegant, recherché feather details have found themselves on everything, from dresses to shirts to hats to hair. The goal here is sophistication, not stodginess. Ornate peacock, ostrich, and pheasant feathers are the key to looking chic; garish, tacky faux feather numbers are passe, ladies and gentlemen.

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