Real Celebs of Genius Presents: Avril Lavigne

Jeni O. Presents: Real Celebs of Genius
(Real Celebs of Genius!)

Today we salute you. Ms. Avril Rock-Your-Face-Off Lavigne.
(Ms. Avril Rock-Your-Face-Off Lavigne!)
Wearing your classiest  black and white striped hoochie ensemble and terribly dyed hair, you’re living the real life rocker dream.
Getting paid to show up at events to do what no one else could do… drink yourself stupid and slutty
(Why you have to go and make things so complicated?!)
Sure it may hurt your career, alienate your young fans, ruin your “voice,” or demolish your marriage to that Sum 41 troll, but you chug alcohol from a bottle being held by a stranger with class and motherf*ckin’ grace.
(Grace motherf*ckuuhh)
But your keen instincts tell you to stick to activities that involve a lot of blacking out and rocking out. And if that doesn’t work, who cares? You’re a motherf*ckin princess.
(Rock on!)
So crack open a bottle of liquor, oh Lover of Sk8ter Boiz. ‘Cause we all know, you’re too cool to give a f*ck.
(Ms. Avril Rock-Your-Face-Off Lavigne!)

[Photo courtesy of The Blemish]

Screw You, Quintessential Evil Kickball Team

I wrote this post a few days ago, but for some reason I left it as a draft on my blog account and never published it:

Ladies and gentleman, the kickball season that will be talked about for ages, the ever-resilient team, “Sit on My Base,” is on its way to making a comeback.

After a 10-2 loss against Please Not on My Face during week one, a 5-11 win over Wii Not Fit, and the nail-biting 6-4 loss against Shiners Saloon Sh!t Talkers, Sit on My Base is pumped and ready to go against Fat Jesus Wolfpack this Thursday at 8:10 p.m. at Richard Moya Park. It is in my esteemed opinion that my team, “Sit on My Base, will triumph over Fat Jesus Wolfpack, which holds a three-game winning streak, because we have heart. That, and the opposing team’s name rings blasphemous. So, I think it’s safe to say that the Big Man upstairs is on our side.*

Come support your favorite Austin Sports and Social League kickball team… Sit on My Base!

Err, last night, Sit on My Base lost to Fat Jesus Wolfpack 14-2. Ouch…

But let explain something here. This opposing team was quintessential evil team: everyone sporting black team shirts, faces with expressions that ranged from sober to angry, and not an alcoholic beverage in sight (this is a drinking league, after all). Fat Jesus Wolfpack has beat every team it’s come up against by at least ten runs. TEN RUNS. Freakin’ beasts.

Meanwhile, Sit on My Base team members were drinking (my dear amiga mejor showed up tanked, in fact), spittin’ rhymes, dancing to music, and looking very jubilant in our lemon yellow team shirts. As another friend and teammate of mine said, we were like the Mighty Ducks; all we were missing was Emilio Estevez.