If this isn’t the most disturbing thing I’ve seen all day, I don’t know what is. No, no… I’m not talking about the pair of enormous centaur legs that woman is sporting. I’m speaking of that mind-boggling skirt she’s wearing near the end of the video. Iridescent brown? I rest my case. Dis-turb-ing.
In what may be the manliest action performed to date, Dublin-based Peter Rogers punched his assaulter, Charles Russell, with his bloody stump of an arm after Russell severed Rogers’ arm with a samurai sword in a bar fight.
Russel, who hails from Dublin, Ireland, has been in custody, awaiting sentencing after pleading guilty to intentionally and recklessly causing Rogers serious harm at the Deputy Mayor Pub in Meekstown on January 13 of last year.
Detective Garda Tony Gleeson told Dublin Circuit Criminal Court that Russell severed Mr. Roger’s hand at the wrist with his first swing of the sword and his hand fell to the ground.
He said that the victim did not notice that he had lost his hand, which, he said, must have been due to shock.
Mr. Rogers continued to struggle with Russell and at one stage punched the accused in the face with the stump of his arm.
Detective Gleeson said that Mr. Rogers will never have full use of his left hand again.
There you have it, folks. Punching someone with the bloody stump you have left after being assaulted by a samurai sword is–by far–the most undaunted, virile thing any one man can do. God bless Ireland.
I gave up coffee for Lent. Those who know me understand the tremendous undertaking that I have gotten myself into. I will be tracking my progress throughout Lent. Let this be a lesson to all…
Positive steps have been taken in my decaffeinated recovery.
It’s day 32 of my coffee logs. I have reintroduced coffee into my life, but the coffee is of the decaffeinated variety. Ah, yes, I am drinking that good ol’ decaf coffee. It seems to me that decaffeinated coffee is the ultimate contradiction. Why drink coffee if not for the flux of energy that comes along with it? Decaf coffee is poser coffee. It’s frontin’.
Some have accused me of breaking my Lenten promise. I understand that it seems my sacrificial gift to God has many loopholes. Let me clarify that I gave up caffeinated coffee for Lent, not just coffee. It’s not just the caffeine, it’s not just the taste. Otherwise, existing on soda and decaf coffee would not be such a tribulation. Alas, coffee–the caffeinated kind–has cast its spell on me, and I fell victim.
Easter fast approaches. I wonder what the future holds for me. Will I, once again, be enchanted by the temptation of coffee on Easter morning? Or will the spell be broken? Alas, I cannot tell.
Until my next log, dear diary, keep in mind these pearls of wisdom are my bequest to you.
Puppy yawns, scented candles, and boy bands,
As more and more magazines are circling the drain, it’s been announced that renowned music rag Blender is folding. April’s issue of blender will be the magazine’s last.
What encouraging news for aspiring copy editors and freelance writers around the world. Hooray for impending unemployment!
In case there was any doubt that Lindsay Lohan’s career and life was going down the St. Thomas Creations toilet, here is a commercial my favorite anorexic crack junkie starred* in for Fornarina. No, don’t worry–no one else has heard of Fornarina either.
I tried to just listen to the commercial without actually watching it, but my ears began bleeding. When on mute, my eyes just couldn’t get the vision of a skeleton with Lady Gaga’s hair on it out of my head. It. Is. Truly. Awful.
* “Starring” in a commercial implies that Lindsay Lohan is a bonafide celebrity, but I mean to imply no such thing.
Sure the St. Thomas Creations Toilet with Quattro Flushing technology can flush 2.5 lbs. of baby carrots, 4 whole plastic chess sets, 3 lbs. of large gummi bears, 18 large hot dogs, 78 plastic letter and number refrigerator magnets, 3.5 lbs. of grapes, 20 golf balls, and 3.5 lbs. of dog food, but what about a turd?
From the funny guy at The Superficial.